Are We There Yet?: A CommentFic Collection
by TheFisherKitty
Summary: A collection of five comment-length ficlettes written in response to prompts. M&M fun, some Stan, and one Criminal Minds crossover. Stories: "Make A Wish", "Beware of Chocolate Bunnies", "Paying Back the Faber", "Are We There Yet?", and "Men of Magic".


**Disclaimer: I don't own In Plain Sight... but it's great fun to play with!**

**Author's Note: This is a collection of five commentfics written by myself over on LJ; thought I'd share them all with you! Hope you enjoy them!**

**Special thanks to strwbrygrl77, Natalia173, BuJyo, Whiz, and R J Lupin's Kat for their wonderful prompts, credited individually below. =)**

* * *

**"Make A Wish"**

**Prompts provided by strwbrygrl77 as follows: Mary/Marshall, birthday cake, "make a wish".**

"I can't believe this," Mary grumbled. "You know I hate birthday parties."

"I thought you just hated your own birthday parties," Marshall replied as he led her across the park by the wrist, their destination a pair of folding tables piled with gifts and food and surrounded by merrily screaming children.

"No, I definitely hate all birthday parties, especially ones for your witnesses' kids. The next time you need me for an 'emergency witness visit', you can expect to be going alone."

"Aww, come on, Mare. Loosen up and have some fun! Besides, look at the size of that cake. You know you want some."

Marshall was right about that. The birthday cake was two tiers, chocolate, and loaded with frosting. Mary eyed it hungrily.

"Alright, but I'm only staying because I've been promised cake and not because of you," she huffed, even as a small smile crept onto her face.

"And also because I have the car keys," he replied with a grin.

"Don't think I couldn't take them from you," she sassed with a playful grab. He danced back from her, car keys teasingly out of reach.

The game of keep-away continued a moment more, each of them breaking into laughter as the keys were relentlessly pursued. Just as Mary felt she had the upper hand, launching herself in a spirited lunge, a rogue child slammed into her from behind before bolting off to play. She fell forward uncontrollably, plowing into her partner who tried to catch her... but all he managed to do was spin her against the cake table.

The end of the table collapsed as they both fell against it, and the cake was catapulted into the air. It sailed, seemingly in slow motion, with a chocolatey grace that Mary found spellbinding.

Instinctively, in an action that he would later admit hadn't been well thought out at all, Marshall sprang after the flying confection.

"I've got it!" he shouted, holding his arms out to catch it.

Cake and Marshall's face collided in a magnificent explosion of frosting and baked goodness, knocking him squarely on his ass. Mary stared at her now cake-festooned partner in utter shock for a moment as the party guests stilled and looked on in dismay. Then, Mary burst into a hearty guffaw as Marshall wiped his eyes of the dessert.

"Marshall!" Mary cried, doubled over in laughter and clutching her midsection. "Marshall, make a wish!"

Marshall glared at her from behind a mask of cake, then shrugged and stuck a frosting covered finger in his mouth.

* * *

**"Beware of Chocolate Bunnies**"

**Prompts provided by Natalia173 as follows: Jealous!Mary/Marshall; Valentine's Day, chocolate bunnies.**

"I thought it was from you," Marshall looked at his partner in confusion. "I mean, only you would give an Easter bunny to someone on Valentine's Day. Just how old is this thing?"

He held up the gold foil-wrapped bunny and stared into its printed-on eyes as though it might answer him. "Is it even safe to eat?"

"Please, you know it wasn't me," Mary replied, giving him a look that said she thought he was the village idiot. "I would have eaten it the same day I bought it."

Marshall nodded grudgingly. "Who do you think left it here, then? It isn't like a whole lot of people have access to my desk."

"I don't know. Who cares? It's just a stupid chocolate bunny that's probably too old to eat." She blew out a sigh as she looked at the confection. "What a waste..."

"Well, it's a little creepy, don't you think?" he replied, his brow furrowed in thought. "Who would leave this, and why? What message does an Easter bunny left on Valentine's Day even send?"

"Do you think it was that little newbie Stan has playing office lackey?" she asked, conceding his point with a shrug. "He seems like he could be weird."

Marshall shook his head slowly. "No, I don't think so. He's actually afraid of me, if you can believe that. I have no idea why."

"Uh... about that..." Mary fidgeted. "I might have told him you were meaner than I am..."

Marshall's eyes narrowed. "What exactly did you say?"

"I told him the last time someone screwed up my coffee, you kicked him in the balls so hard that he got acute testicular torsion and had to retire early."

"What? Why would you do that?" he asked incredulously.

"I was messing with him! I didn't think he'd actually believe me!"

Marshall processed the information and then dismissed it. "Well, that still doesn't tell us who left this on my desk."

He set the chocolate bunny down and stared at it meditatively.

Mary rolled her eyes and went back to work. "You could at least let me taste it," she grumbled.

Stan watched his employees through the blinds in his office. _All according to plan_, he thought to himself with a grin. Throwing Marshall off his game crossed the line from mere sport to an art form. He reached up and slowly twisted the blinds shut before returning to his desk. He pulled open a drawer and drew another chocolate bunny from his secret stash of day-after-holiday discount candy. Peeling back the foil, he bit into the ears with satisfaction.

* * *

**"Paying Back the Faber"**

**Prompts provided by BuJyo as follows: Mary/Marshall, Faber; graze, bunny slippers, "that's not going to fit".**

It had all gone completely to hell. Mary's witness had gotten in touch with his old crew and convinced them they need not kill him if they could just make his case go away... by killing the FBI agent handling it. The threat was credible; Mary had found a slip of paper in her witness's apartment that bore the address and room number of Faber's motel. How he'd gotten the information, God only knew... but Faber wasn't answering his phone, and the marshals were unwilling to rely on divine intervention to save him.

Mary drove Marshall's new vehicle like she stole it; only the fact that a life was on the line kept Marshall from pointing out that by snatching his keys she'd practically carjacked him.

They parked in the lot and trotted toward the motel room just as a man dressed head to toe in black and loaded for bear rounded the corner. His wardrobe screamed hit man... _That's not very discreet_, Marshall thought in the instant the man opened fire. He dropped back behind the shed the pool supplies were housed in as Mary returned fire with a vengeance. She didn't get her man, but the assassin evidently decided escape was the better part of valor, and fled.

"Oh God, Marshall, are you hit?" Mary cried as she ran to him, images of an abandoned gas station in the middle of nowhere flashing through her mind. Marshall stripped his jacket off, wincing as the sleeve rubbed his arm.

"Ah, not really," he said, inspecting the shallow wound as she hovered over him. "It's just a graze."

Mary bit her lip in concern, then nodded. She turned to the motel room door, trying the knob and finding it locked.

"Manager?" Marshall asked, rising to stand beside her.

"No time. They'll be back," she replied, standing to one side as Marshall kicked the door in. They cleared the room; it was empty, save for a lone figure sprawled on the floor in a tipped over chair, feet clad in fuzzy bunny slippers still hanging over the seat.

"Is he dead?" Marshall asked, watching the door while Mary bent over Faber. She stood back up, holding an empty wine bottle.

"He's drunk," she said disbelievingly. "Completely passed out. There are a couple more empties where this one came from."

"Unbelievable," Marshall grumbled. "Mare, get my car and back it up to the door." She brushed past him to carry out his command while he pulled Faber's arm over his shoulder, hefting the man up.

"Pop the tailgate," he grunted to his partner as he dragged the inebriated agent to the rear of the vehicle. She did so, and he began to shove Faber into the rear cargo space.

"Marshall, that's not going to fit," Mary protested. "He's too big!"

"Although I'll admit this would be easier if he weren't naked under this girly pink bathrobe he's wearing, I assure you the cargo space is adequate," he replied with a final grunt as he shoved the man all the way in. "Besides, I don't want him to puke on the back seat."

"Whatever," Mary said, shaking her head. "Let's get the hell out of here." She climbed back into the driver's seat, and Marshall leaned over the unconscious man.

"Crapweasels ride in the trunk," he hissed. "Never swoop on another guy's girl." Slamming the tailgate down, he slid into the passenger seat with a satisfied smile.

* * *

**"Are We There Yet?"**

**Prompts provided by Whiz as follows: Mary, Marshall, Stan; road trip, "Don't make me turn this car around!"**

Stan sulked in the back seat. It was senseless for him to be back there, he felt, since he was the boss and all... in theory, anyway. The person who really called the shots for him was in the passenger seat, spouting trivia endlessly, and the person who gave orders to that individual was driving and repeatedly issuing the order to shut up.

Stan sighed. For once, he really wished Marshall would listen to his partner. He was feeling nauseous from riding in the back; he was short enough that he didn't have a very good view of the road, and the queasy sensation that resulted was making him cranky. Marshall's voice bored into his skull, combining with the motion of the SUV over the open road and making the situation worse.

"Seriously, Marshall, give it a rest," he groaned. He didn't want to hurt the tall man's feelings, but on the other hand, it was Marshall's fault he was riding out the road trip in the back anyway.

"Come on, Stan, don't side with her," Marshall whined. "You know how she gets, she won't let me hear the end of it."

"You got that right," Mary interjected from behind the wheel. Marshall cringed and looked at his boss pleadingly.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you stuck me back here!" Stan hissed, his crankiness getting the better of him.

"Regulation 153.8.7 clearly states that when transporting the marshal in charge of a WITSEC office, that marshal's security is to be prioritized for the duration of the transport," Marshall replied, his eyes widened innocently.

"You know damn well that reg is meant to apply in scenarios where the agent in charge is actually at risk due to a breach in security," Stan huffed. "We, on the other hand, are only going to a conference. A conference, Marshall!"

"It's left to the discretion of the next most senior agent present..." the tall marshal hedged.

"Just admit it, will you? You only dug up that regulation to make sure you got to sit up front, because you know damn well Mary wouldn't give up her seat no matter how much you asked!" He lunged forward, slipping his arms around the head rest in front of him and catching Marshall in an awkward headlock.

"Okay, okay!" Marshall confessed, squirming awkwardly. "I wanted the leg room! I get really cramped back there!"

"I knew it!" Stan shouted, on the verge of throwing a full-blown hissy. "I might as well not even be the boss! You two always find a way to do whatever you want anyway!"

"Oh God, Stan! Let go!" Marshall squeaked. Stan hung on as Marshall wriggled, his Jack Russell tenacity in full force.

"Hey, knock it off!" Mary bellowed. "Don't make me turn this car around!"

Suddenly, Stan's face greened next to Marshall's.

"You don't have to turn around..." the bald man grunted out, still clinging to his subordinate. "But could you maybe pull over?"

"You know the rules when I drive. No stopping!" Mary stated firmly.

Stan made a soft urping sound next to Marshall's ear.

"Pull over, Mary!" Marshall cried, trying to free himself with renewed vigor. "Pull over!"

The SUV sped down the highway, not even slowing down.

* * *

**"Men of Magic: An In Plain Sight / Criminal Minds Crossover"**

**Prompts provided by R J Lupin's Kat as follows: Criminal Minds X-Over: Mary, Marshall, Reid, Morgan, Garcia; lollipops, magic, intelligence is sexy.**

"Oh, oh, oh, who is that tall piece of sexy?" Penelope Garcia, technical analyst, eyed the U.S. Marshal as he strolled into the Behavioral Analysis Unit, his blonde partner in tow.

"I'm not losing you here, am I, Baby Girl?" Special Agent Derek Morgan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Totally. I was gone from the moment I saw that belt buckle. Talk about flair," she replied as she pulled a lollipop from her purse, unwrapped it, and began sucking on it with a little too much enthusiasm.

Dr. Spencer Reid, passing near the door, stopped to greet the marshals, who had been called in for a consultation after the BAU had worked with a protected witness. WITSEC had sent them to make sure there was no breach in the program's security within the BAU's reports.

"You must be Marshals Mann and Shannon," he held out his hand, grasping Marshall's in a handshake. When Marshall pulled his hand back, there was a fabric flower in it. He looked at the profiler questioningly.

"Oh, geez, sorry about that," the younger man ran a hand through his hair, embarrassed. "I was using it to practice."

"Practice what?" Mary asked skeptically.

"Um, magic tricks," he grinned sheepishly.

Marshall's eyes lit up. "Ah, the art of illusion. Did you know that the word magic derives from the term magi, as it applied to the Zoroastrians?"

"Oh Jesus, here we go," Mary grumbled, rolling her eyes.

"I did, actually, although it's likely that the art of illusion or conjuring has been practiced throughout history," he replied his eyebrows raised in surprise. "Do you, um, want me to show you? I'd need a volunteer, though..."

Marshall grabbed Mary by the wrist and pulled her forward.

"No, uh-uh, not gonna happen," she protested, but to no avail.

Reid took his flower back, hid it, and after showing nothing in his hands he produced it from behind her ear... but it wasn't the same flower. It was the origami flower from Marshall's pocket.

"Origami, the art of paper folding, dates back to the 17th century," he said as he handed the paper flower to an awed Marshall. "Here, why don't you try?"

The pair took turns pulling flowers from Mary's ears, and several other places besides. Penelope watched in jealous glee.

"You think this is sexy?" Morgan asked in disbelief.

"I think intelligence is sexy," she replied as she hustled over to join the fun. "Who wants lollipops?" she offered the trio. Morgan shrugged and followed after her.

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**A/N: Hope y'all liked them! Please let me know what you think! =)**


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